Overnight miracle: Yorkshire inventor fills every pothole in Grimley with ‘Gravy Composite’
Residents across the former mining village of Grimley, near Barnsley, woke up yesterday morning to find their notoriously cratered roads mysteriously repaired — not with tarmac, but with a glossy, dark substance that smells suspiciously like Sunday dinner.
Local inventor Arthur “Gravy” Hirst, 68, a retired colliery fitter from Grimley Bottom, is being credited with the extraordinary overnight operation. According to eyewitnesses and early council inspections, every pothole in the village and surrounding lanes had been filled with what Mr Hirst describes as his patented “Gravy Composite” — a thick mixture apparently based on traditional beef gravy, Bisto granules and a secret blend of local ingredients.
Motorists reported a smooth, almost luxurious ride where bone-shaking holes had previously lurked. One resident, Marjorie Bottomley, 74, said she nearly drove into a hedge when her Nissan Micra glided over the former “grand canyon” outside her gate without the usual jolt.
“I thought I’d gone mad,” she told the Post. “It was like driving on a fresh carpet. And there, right in the middle of the biggest patch, was a little sprig of parsley. Proper, like you’d get with a Sunday roast.”
Similar garnishes, each a single fresh parsley sprig, were found in every repaired pothole across the village. Council highways officers confirmed the material had set rock-hard overnight, describing it as “remarkably durable” while admitting the aroma was “distinctly savoury”.
Mr Hirst, speaking from his kitchen table with a mug of tea and a plate of bacon and eggs, was typically understated about his achievement.
“Concrete cracks, tarmac sinks, but once this lot sets it’s like your est roast dinner — it doesn’t budge. I spent all night in the van going round with me mixing trailer. Thought I’d give the council a helping hand.”
He added that the parsley was “just for presentation.”
The repairs appear to extend beyond Grimley itself, with unconfirmed reports of similar gravy-filled potholes appearing on minor roads towards Wakefield and even parts of the Dearne Valley. North Yorkshire Council and Barnsley Metropolitan Borough Council both said they were “investigating the situation” and had not authorised any such works.
A government minister was said to have been briefed and is understood to be considering whether the composite could offer a low-cost solution to the national pothole crisis. Early laboratory tests reportedly show the material is resistant to water, frost and heavy goods vehicles, though one civil servant was overheard muttering that it “might attract dogs”.
Mr Hirst has so far refused all commercial offers, asking only that the repaired roads be officially named the “Doris Hirst Memorial Smoothways” after his late mother, and that the village hall roof finally be fixed.
Local reaction has been overwhelmingly positive. Allotment holder Ted Wilkinson, 82, admitted he had given one of the patches “a little taste test”.
“Beef stock, definitely. Touch of onion. Very moreish,” he declared.
However, not everyone is convinced. The RSPCA has urged drivers to watch for seagulls and stray cats that may be drawn to the aromatic surface, while one worried resident wondered aloud what would happen in a heatwave.
Mr Hirst remained unconcerned. “If it gets too warm it just goes a bit thicker. Still better than the old holes.”
Council sources say they will monitor the performance of the “Gravy Composite” over the coming weeks. In the meantime, Grimley’s roads are smoother than they have been in decades — and, according to several residents, they now smell faintly of Oxo.
